Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
