I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
