Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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