He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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