I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
