Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
