This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
