I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
