im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
