Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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