Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
