There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
