im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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