so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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