we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
