can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
