I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
