I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
