Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
