Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
