don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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