we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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