I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
