he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
