You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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