guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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