"it" just moved
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
