So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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