I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
