So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
