I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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