"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have aggressive nipples.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
