I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
