There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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