I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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