She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
