Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
