Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
