Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
