she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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