Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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