Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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