And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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