Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
