Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
