She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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