I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
