i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
