is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I looked at my own cervix.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
