I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
