Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
