Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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