hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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