I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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