for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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