NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
