i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
