Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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